Through the Looking Glass

Guys who were considered great folks:

Time magazine has featured Adolf Hitler and Jozef Stalin, (twice) as their “Man of the Year” in the past century.

Following, for your reading pleasure, are the charges and the list of weapons and explosives that one Nelson Mandela had in his possession at the time of his arrest:
(From transcripts of his trial at Rivonia.)

(a) the preparation, manufacture and use of explosives—for the purpose of committing acts of violence and destruction in the aforesaid Republic, (the preparation and manufacture of explosives, according to evidence submitted, included 210,000 hand grenades, 48,000 anti-personnel mines, 1,500 time devices, 144 tons of ammonium nitrate, 21.6 tons of aluminum powder and a ton of black powder);

Yep, before there was McVeigh, there was Mandela.   (It’s a fertilizer joke)  

                                                         

Black or White? Republican or Democrat? Union – Non-union? Catholic or Christian? Jewish or Muslim? For or Against? Gay or Hetero? Rich man – Poor man?

The common thread is divide and conquer. Problem is, who does the dividing and who is the conqueror?

This is a simple plea to America for November 4th. There is no “right” or “wrong” ballot that one can cast in the upcoming presidential election. There is no quick-fix. There are no “I told you so’s.” There will be no mulligan’s, there will be no “do-overs.”

There is only you and I. Perhaps your candidate shall claim victory over my candidate. Dunno, couldn’t see in to the future as of this morning. Maybe…my candidate will receive more votes than your candidate. Maybe the Phillies will win the World Series; then again, perhaps Tampa Bay. Do you care? Why, then I ask do we carry such a burden upon our shoulders about the presidency? Do you care? Are you taking the role of opposition because you wish to show your independent thinker status? Do you genuinely and truthfully have a belief in either of our candidates. Do you just want something new and the delivery system for said change being irrelevant?

Decisions, decisions…this is the basis for a sentient life. The lower order animals react, they do not find themselves confronted with options. Kurt Vonnegut said: “The problem with humans is that their brains are to big.” Too much thinking and too much wondering. Wonder is good, wonder is cathartic, and above all wonder is distinctly human. But is this a trait that codifies good decision-making skills? Point being, the lion kingdom does not wonder which of the deer to kill; it just does…
We, as humans, do not have that ability. We shall always be cognizant of stuff like pain, sadness, motherless deer.

It’s not our fault that we can’t make a decision and then walk away from it. Again, the humans always have to grasp the deeper reasons and meanings behind events. Even if this knowledge is unknowable?!?! Gotta try…that’s our motto here on Earth, gotta try…

So, in conclusion, what I’m stating here is that November 4th is coming and then it shall be gone. Someone new will be the face of America for a few years; after that, someone new shall be the CEO for a while, after that, well then, someone else will come along. This does not affect nor change YOU. Policy is policy, decided by your champions in Congress. Race, religion, partisanship; all excuses for us to distance ourselves from one another. No go for myself, I don’t want or need any further reasons for divisiveness. Got plenty already, I’d like to wean down the hatred if anything.

Your guy will win. Maybe my guy will win. But our guy, that is a long way away from the current reality. Vote your choice or vote your conscience. It does not matter for whom you vote, as long as you vote. It does not matter why you chose your guy instead of my guy. It is the choosing that matters. We want to be part of something bigger than ourselves, safety in numbers perhaps, that solidifies our perceived closeness to our candidates.

Dr. King said: “We ain’t what we outta be, We ain’t what we wanna be, We ain’t what we’re gonna be….But, thank god, we ain’t what we was.”

In the end, there is no yours; there is no mine; there is no ours. But there is a dire need for an ours. When November 5th rolls around, I am hoping and praying that we’ll all be one big happy family again. But I don’t think so, not this time, not yet. We are all yet still works in progress.

LOVE over ALL

 

(Click on Picture)

The common goldfish is the only animal that can see both infra-red and ultra-violet light.

Linn’s Stamp News is the world’s largest weekly newspaper for stamp collectors.

Tennessee is bordered by more states than any other. The eight states are Kentucky, Missouri, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, North Carolina and Virginia.

Des Moines has the highest per capita Jello consumption in the U.S

The Western-most point in the contiguous United States is Cape Alava, Washington.

There are only three animals with blue tongues, the Black Bear, the Chow Chow dog and the blue-tongued lizard.

The first fossilized specimen of Austalopithecus afarenisis was named Lucy after the palentologists’ favorite song, Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, by the Beatles.

Pinocchio is Italian for “pine head.”

The geographical center of North America is near Rugby, North Dakota.

The infinity sign is called a lemniscate.

Hacky-sack was invented in Turkey.

If you stretch a standard Slinky out flat it measures 87 feet long.

There are six five words in the English language with the letter combination “uu.” Muumuu, vacuum, continuum, duumvirate and duumvir, residuum.

The “Calabash” pipe, most often associated with Sherlock Holmes, was not used by him until William Gillette (an American) portrayed Holmes onstage. Gillette needed a pipe he could keep in his mouth while he spoke his lines.

Most Americans’ car horns beep in the key of F.

Dirty Harry’s badge number is 2211.

The pupil of an octopus’ eye is rectangular.

The shortest French word with all five vowels is “oiseau” meaning bird.

Camel’s milk does not curdle.

“Mr. Mojo Risin” is an anagram for Jim Morrison.

The ball on top of a flagpole is called the truck.

A person from the country of Nauru is called a Nauruan; this is the only palindromic nationality.

The word “modem” is a contraction of the words “modulate, demodulate.”

Oliver Cromwell was hanged and decapitated two years after he had died.

In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

Iowa has more independent telephone companies than any other state.

Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.

Hamsters love to eat crickets.

The only “real” food that U.S. Astronauts are allowed to take into space is pecan nuts.

The word “queueing” is the only English word with five consecutive vowels.

The first Eagle Scout west of the Mississippi is buried in San Marcos, Texas.

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

Roberta Flack wrote “Killing Me Softly” about singer Don McLean.

The Greek version of the Old Testament is called the Septuagint.

Spencer Eldon was the name of the naked baby on the cover of Nirvana’s album

All three major 1996 Presidential candidates, Clinton, Dole and Perot, are left-handed.

The Madagascan Hissing Cockroach is one of the few insects who give birth to live young, rather than laying eggs.

The book of Esther in the Bible is the only book which does not mention the name of God.

Once upon a time there was a couple who had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son that they always wanted.
After months of trying, the Wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. “Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered.” Then he gave her a stern look and asked, “Have you been fooling around on me?”
The wife just smiled sweetly and said…..”Not this time.”

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One day while in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell, I guess I had better see a doctor”. “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money”, Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor”.
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So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. Joe pours the sample in to the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later the computer ejects a printout which says “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart”
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That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the result.The computer prints out the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. AISLE 9.
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2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with Anti Fungal Shampoo. AISLE 7.
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3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into Rehab.
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4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They are not yours. Get a Lawyer.
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5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better !!!!!!
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THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT WAL-MART.
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An old Irishman walks into a bar, hauls his bad leg over the stool, and asks for a whiskey. “Hey,” he says, looking down the bar, “is that Jesus down there?” The bartender nods, so the Irishman orders Jesus one too.
An ailing Italian with a humpback then walks in, shuffles up to the bar, and asks for a glass of Chianti. Noticing Jesus, the Italian orders Him a glass of Chianti as well.
A redneck swaggers in and hollers, “Barkeep, set me up a cold one! Hey—is that God’s Boy down there?” The bartender nods, so the redneck orders Him a bottle of beer.

As Jesus gets up to leave, He touches the Irishman and says, “For your kindness, you are healed!” The Irishman jumps up and dances a jig.
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Then Jesus touches the Italian and says, “For your kindness, you are healed!” The Italian’s humpback straightens, and he does a flip.
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Just then the redneck yells, “Don’t touch me! I’m drawing disability!”

A burly Irishman is drinking in a bar. An effeminate man sits beside him. After a few beers, the man whispers to the Irishman, “Do you want a blow job?”

The gigantic man flips out, roars in anger, and tosses the man out of the bar, then returns to his stool.

The shocked bartender says, “I’ve never seen you react like that. What did that guy say?”

“Dunno. Something about a job.”

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-Depression & Outsourcing

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline…
I got a call center in Pakistan…
I told them I was feeling suicidal…
They got all excited and asked me if I knew how to drive a truck.

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-4:00 am in the middle of the night, an older chinese couple are in bed.The husband says to his wife” I want-a sixty-nine”
The wife is groggy, turns and asks “what?”
The husband repeats himself and says ” I want-a sixty-nine!”

She says “FOUR IN THE MORNING!! And you want beef and broccoli?”

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-It’s the day after Christmas and two kids are comparing notes about what they’d gotten. The first kid says “What’d you get?” The second kid replies, “Man, I made out! I got Power Rangers stuff, Nintendo, a new bike, a Walkie -Talkie set, a stereo, and a whole lot more! What’d you get?” “Ah, I just got a baseball glove and bat,” says the first kid. “Wow, that’s pretty rough,” says the second kid. The first kid says, “Yeah, well I’m not dying of cancer.”

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-A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. He asks a priest for his opinion on this question. The priest says after consulting the Bible,” My son, after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted on Sundays.”The man thinks, “What does a priest know of sex?” He goes to minister, a married man, experienced, for the answer. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and not for the Sabbath!Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority, a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. A Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question and states,” My son, sex is definitely play.”The man replies,” Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?”.

The Rabbi softly speaks, “If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it!”

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-Last night, I played poker with a deck of Tarot cards.

Got a full house, three of my friends died…                                           

Drug dealers	Software developers
Refer to their clients as “users”.	Refer to their clients as “users”.
“The first one’s free!”	“Download a free trial version…”
Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff).	Have important South-East Asian connections (to help debug the code).
Strange jargon: “Stick”, “Rock”, “Dime bag,” “E”.	Strange jargon: “SCSI”, “ISDN”, “Java”, “RTFM”
Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.	Realize that there’s tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Job is assisted by industry’s producing newer, more potent mixes.	Job is assisted by industry’s producing newer, faster machines.
Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers.	Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists (same thing).
Their product causes unhealthy addictions.	DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem 3D. ‘Nuff said.
Do your job well, and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you.	Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!

OK, everyone’s job for the next six months is to to tell “Average Betty” what a catch I am!!! Do a good enough job of it so that even I believe it!

What, pray tell, is an “Average Betty”? Ummmm, not really describable, not with words from Websters’ anyway. Sooo…your first and foremost task, good reader, is to click on this here link for Betty.

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The Waffler

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Ok, done with part one? Christ, one SIMPLE thing I ask of you!! …not like I asked you to figure out if Gilligan ever got off the island?!? But, I digress…

(Actually, Betty would be the De Facto Queen of digress..) But if you don’t watch this vid, you’ll be clueless for 10,000 years about anything I’ve said here today.

Right then….This is one entertaining umm,, thing?! Enjoy this and tell two friends; then write and tell me what it’s like to HAVE two friends. I had a sheltered childhood, the dog died young, I didn’t do well in school, I spilled more drugs than most people have ever seen, every partner left me, (redheads, all of ‘em) …Uh, I’m digressing again!

Ok, in conclusion…(see that’s like really good journalism speak) we strive higher here… Uh, in conclusion, check out this show/vid/blog/mash-up, redhead, thing, and let me know whatcha’ think?

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Argus

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p.s. If we get her like, oh, 10-20 thousand hits, mebbe I can get a date; (with her, I mean) or anyone, or anything. I’m tired of going home with someone who knows exactly what I like every night. figure it out…

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The many faces of Betty

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes???

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one       more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?”

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And … my favorite:

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you. Heheheheh……

I’m a 50 yr old disabled dude. My joys in life have been that I’ve discovered writing and blogging. I post my writings on Craigslist. But not these days, because their flagging communities have decided that I am a spammer and therefore have been banned from posting! I make no money from my writing, but I was really happy with the friends and contacts I made thru my writing. But, these self-imposed, guardians of the net, have decided that I’m evil and have killed my abilities to list on at CraigsList. If you ever wanted to see the pure evils that socialism entails, this is it. They have a monopoly, for profit or not, that determines what views are acceptable. This is William R. Hearst for the 21st century! They do not contact you to tell you you are banned; it is solely in the hands of self-appointed moderators. The rules are nebulous. They offer no advice on what you are doing that OFFENDS their readers; the fact that over 1000 people a day continue to visit me based on an initial contact through CraigsList would, in the real world, offer up the “let the public decide…” argument, as being valid. You merely wake up in the morning and find that, due to their caprices, you are now not allowed to utilize their “service”. This is not unlike the govt. handling of the phone lines; They have grown beyond their ability to function. This is a group of guys who NEED to be regulated by the same 1st amendment rights granted to the rest of us. They are NOT a non-profit co. and therefore need to be reigned in under Taft-Hartley as they can and do control what individuals can and do print?!?!? Garbage and racist, bigoted commentary sucks; BUT if the environment invites it and THEN kills it depending on whims, it is in violation of a) decency and b) letting people make their decisions based on participation. CraigsList may be the most evil manifesto foisted on us in 20 years.

Read me or don’t, people can make their decisions based on their ability to reason, think, and act. (and enjoy!)  Craig sez, “You are a stupid, vapid, Jim Jones-led, bunch of sheep who, without our divine guidance, would be led into a cavern of sin. Thank GOD that we are here to guide you on your journey.”

And there is NOTHING I can do! When I write and ask what I should change, they write back with fervor and hatred. The replies are generally on the level of YOU are stupid, you violated the rules. “May I have a copy of the rules, as they apply here?” Always automated, the reply is “Read the rules.” As is ALWAYS the case with socialism, what is good for the common man is solely OUR discretion.

I’ve ranted, therefor I am! —   What Descartes would have said, had he been forced to publish on-line.

WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE IS FOR ANYONE OUT THERE WHO FEELS THIS WAY to speak up. WRITE ME!!