Feb 19 2009
Response to Complaints about the Current State of America
Was browsing my favorite fodder - CraigsList - And was rather amazed by the huge amount of whining about the state of the country these days. So, being the witty, urbane dude that I am; I thought that I would address this from the viewpoint of a TRUE American: Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you Red Nexxus, redneck to the stars…
Yeah, America shore is bad. Why we only got 550 cable TV choices currently! Hell, in them third-world countries, you gotta, like, READ A BOOK for entertainment! WTF is wrong with those people? And in Botswana, they don’t even HAVE
Grand Theft Auto version 4? HAH, you call that an emerging country? DID YOU KNOW that there is NO Casual Sex on CraigsList in Namibia? Damn, thank god we live in America! Shit, and DON’T even get me started on the lack of bondage and pedophile websites in Saudi Arabia. Can you imagine having to ask your wife or girlfriend for sex? Slippery slope, this… Can honesty, trust, integrity be far behind? I shore hope the fuck not!!
This is America, after all. We do EVERYTHING bigger and better here.
I mean the best scam that Africa can put together is “The Nigerian Lotto” scam? Childish. The “You’ve won the Irish Sweepstakes courtesy of Microsoft” contest. 3rd rate at best. Can you say Bernie Madoff? Can you say mortgage? Do you know that in most foreign countries leadership wants you to have a place to live? No wonder those backroads places like Monte Carlo and Cannes have such limited appeal to tourists! I mean hell, France has Notre Dame, and that Louvre thing. Man, see, that’s what’s great about America-Them silly Frenchies spend their weekends lookin’ at art ‘n stuff. WE GOT NASCAR !! That thars yer cultoore stuff in a nutshell.
In Italy, they’re sooo backward that they STILL go to the opera. WE GOT NASCAR AND Wrestling !!
Why, I even read that in some third-world nations they - like - worship the same god they have for 3000 years. BoooRRRING. In America, We change daily, Lessee, today’s Wednesday-I’ll do Kabala. Now Fridays, that’s Scientology day. Don’t even get me started on Mormons. Did I mention NASCAR?
When I am sitting in my local bar, drinking beers for a buck, watching guys who make 175 million dollars hit baseballs. I’m failing to see the downsides. I’ll bet you didn’t know that in them thar ferin countries, the government expects you to go to work? And I mean daily!?!? More than once?!? How many times you gotta do somethin’ ‘fore you realize ya don’t like it?
In conclusion, I agree with you that America just sucks; that’s why me and the missus are headin’ out to that island paradise in the Caribbean where everyday is pure pleasure and no wants or worries. Yep, that’s right folks - Haiti here I come!!
Stumble It!